Tonight I drank Jacob’s Creek Chardonnay out of a Zalto. 

 

To most people, that would mean absolutely nothing. But for me, consuming a bottom-shelf beverage out of a glass that’s worth more than I earned this entire week was a strangely apt metaphor for the lifestage I’ve found myself in (not to mention an insult to the wine lover I’ve admittedly become). For starters, whilst Zalto is definitely expensive as far as wine glasses go, they only retail for about $50 a piece. 

 

Why then, you ask, am I unemployed? The truth is, I’m not - but I’ve decided to start my own business, and in early days there’s little distinction between the two. It’s now been a month since I resigned from my stable, salary-paying job in Advertising to pursue my passion for photography and film making, and the realities have now fully set in. 

 

Whilst it’s 7:30pm on a Friday night and I’m staying in because I can’t afford a ticket to the movie my friends are seeing, I can honestly say that when I awoke this morning my first thought was of my current project - and I couldn’t wait to get out of bed so I could keep working on it. In fact, that’s the been the case all week. I honestly couldn’t tell you the last time I was so invigorated by the notion of ‘work’. In the weeks since I resigned, I’ve also been sleeping more, exercising, home cooking and spending ample time with my wonderful partner. (The house is also much cleaner). I feel my life quality has improved in every sense. 

 

That being said, the past few weeks have been a learning curve for me - how to manage my time, how to use every hour productively even though I’m working from home, how to avoid distraction. The one thing, however, that I haven’t struggled with since the day I left work for the last time has been motivation. I’ve had a clear scaffold in my mind of priorities, tasks, groundwork to lay - and have delighted in checking each box as I achieve something new - however small. 

 

I know there is a phenomenal amount of work ahead of me, and that I am metaphorical miles from being able to sustain myself with my passion. But I also know that I have been blessed with stubborn resilience, a love of organisation and a drive to capture the beauty around me, in whichever form I can. 

 

In many ways I foresee my greatest challenge being trying to reconcile my self-image (sometimes whimsical, always over-enthusiastic, meticulously organised) with the image I’ve always held of what a full time creative ‘ought’ to be. My clothes aren’t indie enough, I haven’t lived and breathed my passion for as long as I can remember, and I don’t have an established blog or Instagram following. In fact, one could be forgiven for not realising I’m inclined to create at all. 

 

Photography has always been something I’ve loved - from the age of eight or nine (at what age can you trust a child with a digital camera?) I’ve been inseparable with my camera… whenever I travelled. Apart from the occasional ‘photo expedition’, holidays were really the only time I sought out to capture. I think I only shot my first moving image with any intention at the age of seventeen. It was as if photography wasn’t something I managed to make time for, until the happenstance of travel forced me to step away from the rest of my life - and then I couldn’t get enough of it. 

 

As I grew older, the time I did spend with my camera became more and more valuable to me. I realised that I was noticing details I wouldn’t have previously, that my lens allowed me to represent life in a different manner to the way I perceived it - that in some ways it could become even more wonderful. Now that I’ve discovered film, I think I’ve become obsessed with perspective and our power to manipulate it based on our intention. 

 

I’ve been blessed to experience some incredibly beautiful parts of the world, and some perfect moments that I felt compelled to capture even as I was experiencing them. When I look back and remember those moments, I remember the temperature, the sensation of the environment around me, how I felt in that moment. But when I revisit them through my lens, the sheer beauty of the vision never ceases to amaze me. I suppose that’s what I’ve set out to do - create stunning visuals, however I can. And I need to remind myself that I don’t need to look a certain way, or represent myself a certain way to do that. As long as I maintain integrity in what I’ve set out to do, I am being true to myself as a creative (thought it still feels wrong to call myself that - at what point does one qualify?). 

 

Over the next few months, I’m looking forward to shooting non-stop, editing like a maniac and forging a portfolio from the kindling I’ve scraped together to date. During that time, I realise I’m going to have to adapt my lifestyle whilst I find my feet. For the past few weeks I’ve been happy hiding at home and making frugality my mantra, but I know that the challenging times are still ahead. My lifestyle may be bottom-shelf for the time being, but the life balance, happiness and motivation that choosing to pursue my passion has restored is invaluable. 

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Until I surface again, 

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V. 

 

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Author’s note: As a lover of grammar and punctuation, I am appalled by my use of ‘and’ and ‘but’ to commence sentences, but I just don’t seem to be able to achieve the right tone without them. I hope you can forgive me.